Grief, leave me alone for awhile, please!
I have learned that
losing my 15 year old son has been the hardest thing that
I have ever experienced. I am often sad on the inside
and it seems that no one cares anymore. Everyone thinks I should
be over it by now. How can I ever be over it? I have lost my
precious child, my best friend, my everything.
The nights are
the hardest. I go to my daughter's room give her a night kiss,
and turn around and see his closed door.
not there. There are no more night kisses from him. There
are no more hugs or tucking him in. I go to my room, lay in my
bed and I fight the tears, the memories. This is when it
to fight my grief, my sorrow, my pain. This is when the visions
come without mercy. I see him lying in that ditch all alone.
I see him lying in that hospital bed hooked up to all those
machines. I see him lying in that coffin without that spark
of life, without
that twinkle in his eye, without that winning smile of his.
These memories are so hard to push from my mind at night.
the day, I think of him a million times. I worry about him.
I wonder if he is okay. I wonder if he is in Heaven
his spirit is just out there ... lost ... lonely... afraid.
I have to choose to believe that he is in Heaven, if I
have this belief, I would surely be lost. But still...I
The tears are just a memory or reminder away. My
insides are shaking, the ball of lead is back in my chest. I
seem to climb out of this dark valley of grief that I
have to travel
through. The other side seems so very far away and I
am so very tired. I wonder if I will make it to the other
to the sunshine,
the warmth, the happiness.
I just don't know what to do
anymore. I want to be happy again. I want my son back. This
seems like a nightmare,
but it is
not, this is my life now. This is what I have to live.
I die. Will that be very long? I hope not. I miss my
son....always...lost in the lonely dark world of grief.
Written by Natalie Camp mother
of Anthony Paul Wodzinski
for Telfair Enterprise (Newspaper in Georgia)
In Memory of Anthony
January 18, 1991– June 10, 2006